I’m Mad–Not Crazy..Just ANGRY!

imageYes, I am MAD..not crazy…ANGRY!

OK people….here’s the deal. I am incredibly, frustratingly, out of my mind angry. I am absolutely sick to death of the unfairness of life and I am done…hear me? DONE!… Done being trod on, stepped over, used and disrespected. I am the wife of a sick, disgusting sex addict. I have been his “wife” for 36 1/2 long, painful, sexually unsatisfying years. In that time, I have ALWAYS questioned myself…why do I stay married to this loser? Why don’t I leave? Why do I let him keep holding me down….seperating me from the life I know I was meant for? I have never had a good answer. I have fallen back on the standards…for the kids, for my family, for my grandkids, because he is a good provider, because he is a Godly man…..Guess what? Not only was our marrige a lie, as I always suspected, so were all the excuses. My family has now put their full support behind HIM! The poor struggling addict. Because of his expenses for sex and co-addiction of gambling, he has made a financial mess of any future we may have in retirement, and he has lied to God and our church leaders and is no longer a member of our church.
So, yep….I am pretty ticked off. I am now 54 years old, in poor health, have an STD thanks to his habits, unemployed and unemployable because of my severe anxiety and PTSD and alone….very, very alone. So…here I am blogworld. I am on a journey. An exploration to find a way out of this quagmire of crap that I did not ask for, did not create and do not want to deal with. Nonetheless…I have not been given a choice. I have to deal wth it. But, I will be doing so, for the first time in my life, for completely selfish reasons…and reasons of survival. I selfishly want to survive and have a real life. I want to know what normal prople do and think and feel. I want to know what it feels like to be loved…or at least find out if, for someone as damaged as I, that is even possible. I will blog on my progress and setbacks. I would appreciate any insight form anyone else going through this same painful transistion of life. I don’t know how long I can keep it up or if anyone even cares. but, I am going to try. Peace…..

2 thoughts on “I’m Mad–Not Crazy..Just ANGRY!

  1. People care, and we know how you feel. Taking your life back is the healthy thing to do. Make it all about you before you decide what to do about your partner, or any partner. Part of me wishes I had been better at this. I do not have the same lingering doubts about my marriage before d-day as you, but I do understand how important it is for you to feel safe, and validated as a human being. Big hugs, sister. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Kat…the first thing I learned (and was frankly shocked to find out!) was that there are a lot of us! In fact, Waaaayyyy too many. It’s an epidemic. While I would never wish this garbage on anyone, I am comforted knowing there ARE others with whom I can turn discuss things without judgement. Thank you! *hugs*

      Liked by 1 person

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