I had an appointment on Monday with the psychiatrist who is monitoring my medications. I don’t particularly like this guy but because of my insurance, I have to see him once every three months in order to get my prescriptions. I will say this: I am nearly always triggered in some way after seeing him and this time was horrible. The reason is simple. Unlike my CSAT and DBT therapists, this guy is very much pushing me towards divorce. He believes that my only chance at wholeness is to sever all ties with Will and start over with someone “normal.” He truly thinks that the decision to postpone the divorce until we were both more stable is counter to healing. He began to tell me how Will would never be healed and this prompted a whole host of doubts and trust issues and self questioning……on and on…..so….yeah….
I tortured myself for a couple of days and am now in my own bubble of research mania. I found the following on the Health Research Funding website from a study done in November 2014…I gotta say….I’m more than a little concerned…
39 Sexual Addiction Recovery Statistics
Psychological Articles and Infographics Nov 7, 2014
Statistics on Sexual Addiction Recovery
1. The estimated number of people who have a sexual addiction in the United States alone: 12 to 30 million.
2. 80% of women who have a husband or partner that has been diagnosed with a sexual addiction suffered from depression in a recent study.
3. 4 out of 10 women say that they withdraw their emotional connections to a partner with a sexual addiction.
4. The percentage of women who developed an eating disorder after discovering the actions of a partner with a sexual addiction: 60%.
5. The chances of a spontaneous remission of sexual addiction occurring: 1 in 100,000.
6. It is believed that only 5% of addicts who go into therapy will be able to succeed in beating their addiction, although this figure is disputed.
7. The year when a sexual addiction was first officially diagnosed under modern criteria: 1983.
8. Sexual addictions may be either paraphilic or nonparaphilic.
9. There is no 1 test that can conclusively prove that someone has a sexual addiction.
10. It is common among those with Bipolar Disorder to engage in high-risk sexual activities during manic states.
11. Victims of childhood sexual abuse often repeat pattern of abuse in a subconscious attempt to gain control over their childhood trauma.
12. People who are questioning their own sexuality tend to engage in activities that are similar to a sexual addiction, but may not qualify as an actual addiction.
13. People with Borderline Personality Disorder engage in unsafe sexual activities as a general pattern of self-injurious behavior.
14. Men with Aspergers Syndrome often exhibit out-of-control sexual behaviors.
15. The most common feeling that a partner with a sexual addiction has is betrayal. The most common feeling that an addict has is shame.
16. Sexual addiction appeared in a 1987 copy of the DSM, but it has been since removed.
17. Sex addicts lose time to their addiction, becoming preoccupied with their thoughts about sex and sexual materials that they have at their disposal. Everything comes after their addictions have been satisfied.
18. Most sexual addicts operate on a cash-only basis because most of the ways to satisfy their addiction don’t allow for credit card charges.
19. A vast majority of sex addicts will rarely be single and often have a history of cheating withing their relationships.
20. Most sex addicts lead a double life and lying is a common occurrence.
21. 1 out of 3 men self-report that they are addicted to pornography.
22. The pornography industry alone generates $12 billion of revenue per year.
23. 66% of Internet-using 18- to 34-year-old men look at online pornography at least once a month.
24. 70% of Internet pornographic traffic occurs during the 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Workday.
25. The percentage of internet sites that are pornographic in nature right now: 12%.
26. 2.5 billion emails per day are pornographic related in some way.
27. More than half of the men who identify themselves as an Evangelical Christian admit that they have an addiction to pornography and used it in the last week for self satisfaction.
28. 55% of Christian pastors admitted to visiting a pornographic site.
29. Sex addiction is not about physical contact but as a way of alleviating pain, relief from depression or anxiety, or a form of escapism, addicts tend to avoid problems through sex.
30. In the UK, an average of 2,000 calls per month come from people who are seeking help from their addictions to sex.
31. As people grow older, issues with medication may cause sexual addictions or the inability to control sexual desires.
32. The average male sexual addict has 32 sexual partners.
33. The number of sexual partners, on average, for a female sexual addict: 22.
34. 98% of sex addicts have participated in at least some form of phone sex at least once.
35. The percentage of sex addicts that have used Skype in order to have video sex over the internet: 74%.
36. The percentage of sex addicts who say that they have not had a one night stand: 2%.
37. 7 out of 10 married sex addicts say that they’ve been able to convince their spouse to participate in swinging activities.
38. 94% of sex addicts have filmed themselves having sex.
39. 3 out of 4 addicts have admitted that they regularly post naked photos of themselves online.
Number 6 is the one that has me concerned. Here is my bottom line: I do not want to be married to a man that will “recover” only to the point that he can restrain himself from acting out sexually with others. I want a husband who looks at me and feels love. Who wants and desires ONLY me and cherishes all that I am both physically and emotionally. Who doesn’t have to constantly monitor his every glance, every thought and every desire because he is so easily aroused by every other woman he comes into contact with. I do not want to be married to a man that has to work really, really hard to love me. I want to be the focus of his desire…I don’t want to have to compete for it. Am I being unreasonable? Is it wrong for a woman to want her husband, the man she has promised to love, honor and cherish, to expect a wholehearted commitment in return? The act of fidelity means nothing to me if his heart is not in it. And…..how will I ever know?