Running Away…

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I have been known to run away. I’ve written a bit about it before. A nice hotel (I’m partial to Marriott) with a pool, somewhere warm, a spa…ya know. To kind of regroup, recalibrate….Escape. Well, I’m doing it. I’m running away. It’s all confirmed. I will be admitted tomorrow to a treatment facility for a few weeks. However, this is more of an authorized running away. Fully sanctioned by my therapist. I have been told it is one of the best trauma centers in the country and they have some of the best therapists to deal with betrayal trauma partners there, so…. I have thought a lot about this. I have prayed about this. I have talked to both my APSATS/CSAT and Neurotherapist about this. I have reached out to fellow bloggers. I believe that I am making an informed decision and I truly think it is a good one for me. Since the meltdown of last week, it has become painfully clear to me that where Will is, there lies danger. To my peace of mind, to my independence, to my healing. It is inherently unhealthy to depend on the singular thing that is making one sick. In my case, that is Will. Anyone who has had any interaction with me, knows how I detest the label of “co-dependent” and I do not believe that I am a true co-dependent. What I do concede is that after almost 37 years of marriage to a manipulative, gaslighting sex addict, I have difficulty trusting myself where he is concerned and that is a major roadblock to my own recovery. My goal in getting away for awhile is to disconnect completely, to work hard on the trauma caused by Will and my childhood. To be able to return to my home, my friends, my family, my life with a less vulnerable psyche. One that is not so easily triggered. 😜 Also, a more solid knowledge of who I truly am and my potential in the future, with or without Will. I hope to gain the strength to make firm decisions and the trust in myself to follow through on them.  I hope I am not expecting too much!

So for now, blogworld, I have to say see ya later! I will be relieved of my phone, my IPad, my connection to the outside world for about three weeks.  I will be disengaged completely and, not gonna lie here, that is a little scary. This has become such a valuable little community for me. I feel that you, your stories, your joys and pains, are all a part of me and my life now and I have grown to have true affection and concern for so many of you. Thank you so much for your endless kindness, encouragement and support. Please keep me in your prayers if you pray and in your thoughts. I will do the same for you. I will check in when I return, hopefully more healthy and happy than I am now, and post a full report. **HUGS**

Leigh ❤️

 

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8 thoughts on “Running Away…

  1. Leigh, I’m so happy and excited for you. This is going to be great! I hope you get out of this time everything that you expect and more. I’m looking forward to having you back here in three weeks and read that full report of yours. 🙂 You’ll be in my prayers and thoughts. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is wonderful news Leigh. I see it as you ‘running towards’ help… Well done for having the guts and courage to do it! I will pray that the fog of confusion will lift and blow away and that you will find your power again. Gentle, loving kindness to you Leigh 💞

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  3. Leigh, I’m so grateful that you get this time. It’s a blessing and I know it will be difficult at times and feel lonely at other times but to have three weeks to care just for yourself is a gift.

    Being a mom- I’m sure it will be hard not to wonder and worry about your family- but everyone will be okay.

    I feel like you’ve done so much already to lay out a solid foundation for your healing. You will only continue to build upon that greatly.

    You will most certainly be in my prayers and thoughts. Go there knowing these truths about yourself – you are strong, amazing, you have the heart of a fighter. You are so much more than everything that has happened to cause you hurt and pain and there is so much more to your life than those events.

    Your life is an open road Leigh, the blinders are off and you’re firmly in the driver’s seat!

    It may not always seem like it but as hurtful as all these revelations have been- they have also given you truth. No more lies, deception. You have the truth and that means you, right now, you have more control than you ever did before of your life.

    Sending big hugs your way friend! When it all feels too much, know you’ve got people in your corner rooting you on. You can do this and you are worth this! No one in your life is more important than You right now!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dearest, sweetest, Leigh, so many hugs coming your way. You will be in my thoughts every day. I hope you are able to garner a strength and love for yourself that you possibly did not know existed. You are amazing and this will be your opportunity to focus on you and your needs and your health. I believe many of us needed (need) this kind of treatment, and didn’t get it. We all need to be nurtured on how to value ourselves fully, especially when others have devalued us with their actions. We need to be reminded that the actions of others do not make us a weaker or culpable person. We need to be reminded that we are in trauma and trauma cannot always be managed well without help. We do have the tools inside us though. If you still have time, go purchase yourself a beautiful journal to write in. Be vulnerable, and then soak up everything you possibly can to bring out with you to help you march right on through this painful process. Much love to you, Leigh. One day at a time. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Awesome. It is scary to disconnect from technology we use but you will be so busy focussing on recovery that you will barely miss it. I am no artist but the therapist gave me paper and pencils and it was therapeutic to doodle so maybe think about getting a Mandela colouring book and some pencils and relax in your spare time. It helped me a lot. I wish you peace and calm and I will be thinking of you. Xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

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