I have been known to run away. I’ve written a bit about it before. A nice hotel (I’m partial to Marriott) with a pool, somewhere warm, a spa…ya know. To kind of regroup, recalibrate….Escape. Well, I’m doing it. I’m running away. It’s all confirmed. I will be admitted tomorrow to a treatment facility for a few weeks. However, this is more of an authorized running away. Fully sanctioned by my therapist. I have been told it is one of the best trauma centers in the country and they have some of the best therapists to deal with betrayal trauma partners there, so…. I have thought a lot about this. I have prayed about this. I have talked to both my APSATS/CSAT and Neurotherapist about this. I have reached out to fellow bloggers. I believe that I am making an informed decision and I truly think it is a good one for me. Since the meltdown of last week, it has become painfully clear to me that where Will is, there lies danger. To my peace of mind, to my independence, to my healing. It is inherently unhealthy to depend on the singular thing that is making one sick. In my case, that is Will. Anyone who has had any interaction with me, knows how I detest the label of “co-dependent” and I do not believe that I am a true co-dependent. What I do concede is that after almost 37 years of marriage to a manipulative, gaslighting sex addict, I have difficulty trusting myself where he is concerned and that is a major roadblock to my own recovery. My goal in getting away for awhile is to disconnect completely, to work hard on the trauma caused by Will and my childhood. To be able to return to my home, my friends, my family, my life with a less vulnerable psyche. One that is not so easily triggered. 😜 Also, a more solid knowledge of who I truly am and my potential in the future, with or without Will. I hope to gain the strength to make firm decisions and the trust in myself to follow through on them. I hope I am not expecting too much!
So for now, blogworld, I have to say see ya later! I will be relieved of my phone, my IPad, my connection to the outside world for about three weeks. I will be disengaged completely and, not gonna lie here, that is a little scary. This has become such a valuable little community for me. I feel that you, your stories, your joys and pains, are all a part of me and my life now and I have grown to have true affection and concern for so many of you. Thank you so much for your endless kindness, encouragement and support. Please keep me in your prayers if you pray and in your thoughts. I will do the same for you. I will check in when I return, hopefully more healthy and happy than I am now, and post a full report. **HUGS**