Addiction, in its many manifestations, is brutal, powerful, heartless and deadly. It ruins families, destroys friendships and takes lives….Every.Single.Day.
When I went to Arizona to my inpatient, I met addicts of all types…narcotics, alcohol, sex and love, even gaming…and they were completely powerless over their addiction of choice. Completely powerless. It is heartbreaking. Meeting so many people with out-of-control lives due to their addictions, changed my view of addicts..including Will. It changed me, my perspective, my heart and yes, my life. Among the many people I met, were a few very special people with whom I became close…indeed, I love them. We text, call and keep in touch now and I believe they will always be in my life. I relied on them and they relied on me. That, too, is powerful…sometimes shared stories and understanding is more powerful than the addiction which holds one hostage.
Yesterday, one of my sweet, funny, strong, struggling friends made the choice to end her fight with alcohol. “D” had been in crisis and lost her sobriety soon after returning home from Arizona. She tried…so hard…to regain her soberness. She called me and the rest of our little group of warriors as she fought her demons, her depression and her pain. We talked to her, we texted…we loved her the best we could. I even found her father’s phone number and called him to enlist his help for our precious “D,” but he, too, felt so helpless against this destructive enemy. She was, in the end, not able to withstand the pain. She ended her life yesterday morning and I am profoundly sad. I am also more aware than ever of the incredible strength addictions hold over their prey. Yes, it is true that addicts choose to take that drink, or pop that pill or give in to their lust, but that choice is made with minds that are already imprisoned by the promise of release from the pain, confusion and desperation that one’s life has become. It can be a hopeless and helpless feeling, with no light at the end of the tunnel….except medicating the pain more and more. The cycle is ruthless and vicious.
This, I believe, is where “D” was yesterday morning when she took enough prescription pills to stop her pain and torment permanently. She leaves behind two kids, a fiancee, a mom, dad and brother. All of whom loved her so very much. She also left behind a host of others who watched her struggles to get sober, celebrated her small victories, shared in her pain with understanding and compassion, and prayed fervently for her victory over her disease. We loved her. I loved her. She will remain in my memory as a smiling, laughing, free spirit.
I’m sorry you are gone “D” but I understand. I just wish you could have held on just one day at a time. I love you and I miss you. Rest in Peace, my sweet girl.
Be at peace now. ❤️