I’m really sick. I have bronchitis and have been put on bed rest. It sucks. I hate to be sick and I hate going to the doctor. In the past, Will used my infirmities as an excuse to act out. When I blew out my knee in a skiing accident and had to have a reconstruct, he began his affair with Skank. As I hobbled around in a horrible knee brace for weeks trying to finish renovations on my garage, Will was too busy grooming Skank to help me much. When I recovered enough to drive cross country to help my daughter give birth, Will allowed Skank to come to my home for the purpose of screwing her in my bed…and in my shower…and on my family room sofa. Skank still works for a subsidiary of the same company Will works for. She has been told..by Will and by me..that she will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES contact Will by phone, email, text etc. She broke this boundary once several months ago and I emailed her myself telling her that it would stop immediately. She responded and said she would not contact him again. She lied.
Yesterday, Will came over after work to do something he has never done..take care of me because I am so sick. He had taken time off of work yesterday to take me to the doctor and then last night brought over some dinner. After we ate, he said that something had happened at work and he needed to tell me. I immediately felt that dread..that pit in my stomach…that horrible, twisting, sick churning in my belly of impending doom. I thought he had relapsed. I thought he had gotten a nooner at a massage parlor…his habit when I was not feeling well and he wasn’t currently having an affair. But no. The Skank had called him. Directly. She called from a different work number and he didn’t recognize her voice at first. He told her someone would handle her issue and hung up. In short..he kind of panicked. Then he got angry. Angry that she had broken the boundary…again. That because of her, he had to come and tell me and hurt me again.
This is where my frustration begins. You see, Will is a nice guy. You all know the type…everyone’s friend, never gets angry, always happy and helpful. Yeah, so…this is why the boundary means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the Skank. She knows that Will is a kind man. That he would never get angry with her. Would never be unkind or rude to her. She is under the impression that if she hadn’t gotten married, he would still be pursuing her. She believes that the only reason there is “no contact” is because now I, the bitchy wife, knows about their past together. This is what frustrates me. I asked Will why he didn’t call her back and get angry with her if he was mad that she had broken that boundary. I asked him why he didn’t tell her that she disgusts him…that everything about their affair makes him sick. I asked if he was so angry, why didn’t he tell HER that..because telling me was not going to stop her from breaking that boundary over and over and over again. He told me he couldn’t call her because his own boundaries were that he never initiate contact with an AP. 🙄 I’m sorry…but on this, I’m calling bullshit.
Why would someone willingly give another person power over them because of a self imposed boundary? I completely understand the need for rules, boundaries, limits etc…but at the expense of the greater good? At the complete disregard for common sense and rationality? My frustration and pain is simply this: Will knew that her contact would hurt me. He was angry. Rather than let her know of his anger and break his boundary, he is willing to allow her to continue to contact him (and she will) and cause further hurt. Once again, something (his personal boundary) takes priority over me. I am angry and hurt because he just doesn’t get this! In my mind, it appears that he is more willing to let her hurt me, than to take the chance of him hurting her feelings. Ergo..she is more valuable to him than am I. I believe this NOT to be true, but his actions need to bear this out and so far….well, no contact means no contact or we are going to be back to a few months ago when divorce means divorce. For crying out loud Will..grow the hell up or get the hell out!