I actually have a bumper sticker that says “Sarcasm:Just another service I offer.” I have had it for years…not on my car…but it was on my cubicle wall at a customer service job I had, under my desk blotter at another job, at my home office desk and it finally found a permanent home on the kitchen bulletin board. I have taken some sort of sick pride in my ability to have a quick, witty (read sarcastic) response to what I perceived to be idiotic behavior or comments from others. I truly thought I was HILARIOUS! For instance, just recently, a friend who knows the situation with Will and our selling our home, asked where we were living while we built a new home.
Yeah….Our travel trailer. Instead of just saying that however, I added that Will didn’t mind, he was used to sleeping with trailer trash. Ha,ha,ha,ha…..ahem…. My friend gave me a slight smile and a “courtesy” chuckle but it clearly made her uncomfortable. In short, it just wasn’t funny. It was rude and crass. I have learned that I do it to cover up for what I perceive to be embarrassing or uncomfortable situations. The problem is that it reverses the awkwardness onto others…diverting the feelings away from me. I do this a lot with Will but for different reasons. He bought a new fishing pole last week…
Yes…it really is called an ugly stick. So when I saw it I said, “Oh, did you buy that to hit Skank with? …Nevermind, she’s clearly already been hit…a LOT!” A completely unnecessary comment. (True, but unnecessary 😏) I do it with Will to inflict hurt. To belittle and to remind him of his past behaviors. He told me the other day that he trusted my intuition. I replied that would be unwise as I had a history of believing a deceitful cheater. Ha! . . . Ugh! Why do I keep doing that?! It’s not funny, it’s just mean! It makes no difference if I say it in a laughing voice, with a chuckle or deliver it with a smile. Snarky is ugly.
Well….it stops here and now! It serves no purpose. Other than to temporarily (VERY temporarily) make me feel superior or vindicated in small doses, it only causes harm.
SARCASM. 1570s, sarcasmus, from Late Latin sarcasmus, from late Greek sarkasmos “a sneer, jest, taunt, mockery,” from sarkazein “to speak bitterly, sneer,” literally “to strip off the flesh” from. (genitive sarkos) “flesh,” properly “piece of meat,” from PIE root *twerk- “to cut” (cf. Avestan thwares “to cut”).
I don’t want to be THAT girl anymore. That one with the smart-ass remark, the quick but sometimes hurtful comeback. I don’t want to be the one who always has something clever to say…even if it is at the expense of others. Particularly Will. I don’t want to be responsible for intentionally causing harm to anyone by word or deed. How hypocritical would that be? From someone to whom so much harm has been done? Trust me when I say that it will take Herculean strength for me not to speak out loud the quips that constantly pop into my head and I make no promises that one or two won’t appear here, just between you and me 😉, but I have to make this effort to soften my demeanor, to curb my sharp tongue and to move towards a kinder, gentler me. Not that I am some kind of snotty shrew who has nothing kind to say about anyone or am constantly critical or nasty…that certainly is not true. I am generally a kind and decent person. I just think my sense of humor has become warped over all these years and changed from what is genuinely witty to a sick sort of defense mechanism. THAT is what I need to be mindful of and what I seek to change. The hurt needs to stop now. With me.
Oh…this journey of recovery…