Day 3 – Yummmmm!
I struggle with my weight. The battle began when I quit smoking over twenty years ago. I had always been a petite 5’4″ 115ish girl and just didn’t think about calories, or fat, or carbs etc. I just ate when I was hungry and ate what tasted good. A funny thing happened, however, when all of the sudden, I couldn’t have a smoke! I needed…something. That something turned out to be food. Then it got worse. I discovered that my taste buds, long suppressed by the numbing effects of nicotine, had regenerated. Food tasted REALLY, REALLY GOOD!! Lethal for the waistline. I gained, I lost, I eventually leveled out. Until D-day.
Weird how a body reacts to emotional devastation. I lost fifty pounds in about five weeks. I simply could not tolerate food. I had no appetite. I was in such a high state of trauma that I cannot honestly remember ever even opening the refrigerator or a kitchen cupboard. Worst diet plan ever. At least, the most painful.
Aaanyway…I have discovered that I was subconsciously depriving myself of happiness. Simply put, food makes me happy. In my trauma, I was punishing myself, as a lot of us betrayeds do, assuming wrongly that our addicts’ issues are somehow our fault. My weight has largely stabilized although I always seem to be wishing I could lose a few more pounds. I have now discovered that food can be comfort but that doesn’t mean I have to over-comfort myself. I have learned to truly enjoy food in smaller portions and have tempered my appetite. I love to cook and love to try new recipes. I really enjoy trying new cuisine when I travel and get stupidly excited when a new restaurant opens up. I very much enjoy hostessing big gatherings and planning and preparing the menu. It brings me such joy to see people I love congregate and enjoy each other’s company and really, really yummy eats. It is one of my favorite kinds of happy. Gotta go….dinner’s on…😉🍴