Happy for Happy’s Sake

 

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Day 9

Choosing Happy

Do you know someone who is perpetually happy? You know the type…that person that always, ALWAYS sees the glass as half full….even when the glass has shattered!  I used to think that I needed to try really hard to be this type of person. I was taught that “no one likes a frowny face.” That cynicism or pessimism was never, ever OK.  Somewhere along the way, my interpretation of that came to mean that if I had a suspicion, a doubt, or felt cranky about something, then no one would like me.  Enter the perfect storm of a sex addict + a people pleaser.  Wow…what a set-up.  It is no wonder that Will’s addiction ran amok for so many decades. Did I enable him? Probably. Did I do it knowingly? Absolutely not! I was simply trying my best to be a “happy” person. You know, being happy for happy’s sake.  Because that would mean that I was a good person and other people would like me. Right? Right!?!?!?

Well, the revelation of all the ugly in my fake happy life has irrevocably changed my perception of what real happiness looks like. I now know what happy is NOT. I know that it is not pretending that a glass is half full when everyone know the damn thing is bone dry.  I know that true happiness does not come from someone else’s reality and certainly not from their notion of happy. I believe that happiness is unequivocally linked with truth. It is grounded in authenticity. It is based on the ability to live a genuine, real life, facing trials and joy with the same strength. It is the sure knowledge that happy is not a state of mind, it is a state of being. No one, and no thing can make one happy. Just as no one and no thing can make one unhappy. Yes, circumstances, situations, actions of others, even our own thoughts can affect our mood. That is called life. But, only our choices can ultimately determine one’s own happiness.

So, for me, I choose happy. Not for the sake of “being a happy person” but rather as a choice for the quality of life I prefer to live. I choose to live in truth and reality and if that is sometimes not a happy circumstance, that is OK. The glass won’t be half empty or half full…it will have however much it has…and I will still have happiness. I don’t choose happy for happy’s sake, I choose happy for my own sake. I hope today you choose happy too. ❤️

 

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14 thoughts on “Happy for Happy’s Sake

  1. In my last job I had to be the happy positive face that greeted people. In the midst of d day and the aftermath there were some days where I know it was hard to be the happy, smiling,chatty,positive,funny me…..but somehow I damn well did it. I don’t know how but I did it. Some mornings I would just take a break and sit with my coffee away from everyone in my little hides hole surrounded by plants and a water fountain and the odd water dragon and I would almost have to force myself to look at the reality of what my life was like at present. How I just could not believe what had happened to me. I soon realised these are the choices I am making and I can control this. I look back and I know I miss working terribly but I am now on a different adventure and I know I have come such a long way through that hurt and pain.
    Lovely post. Xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is truly amazing to think of what our brains will allow and how we are able to function in the midst of our trauma. In the first few months there are a few things I remember with crystal clear clarity, but most of that time is a complete blur…I lost so much time. When I started to come out of my fog, I remember being able to disconnect from my real life and the ugly truth when I needed to. When I was alone and reality came crashing back in, I could hardly believe that I was able to survive, let alone function on a daily basis. I am grateful that I didn’t completely “lose my shit” and stay permanently in my trauma or stay in total denial and live my so-called “happy life.” I am able now to live in truth and it is sometimes difficult but so much healthier! I absolutely understand when you say that you sat in disbelief that the things that had occurred actually happened…to YOU! I kept thinking, “This is not my life!” Oh how far we have both come my sweet friend! **HUGS**

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      1. After 2 years (2 years and 10 days exactly), I’m not in the fog very much anymore. Although sometimes I am …… a new revelation will leave me in the midst of the fog again but its easier to come out of it now. I can smile and find happiness again … but there is something in the back of my mind all the time that wallows in depressive thoughts. I can push them away more easily now…… but those thoughts are always there. I think that is a lot to do with my husband ….. if he had really tried in the beginning ……. But ultimately it is my responsibility, and I’m coming to grips with that.
        But after the darkness there is more light. At the moment the blinds are half closed (half empty? 🙂 ) but the light will come stronger than before ….
        My friend described it as a pheonix – going through the fire and emerging as a beautiful strong pheonix. So I am a pheonix – in transition 🙂

        I loved your post and have read a bit of your blog lately. Thank you!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Thank you and yes it is truly rising from the ashes. I try to remind myself of this when I get discouraged..I tell myself that fine steel must go through the refiners fire. It is then stronger, shinier and more resilient than if left untested. We are made of only the finest steel. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I loved where you said “[Happiness] is based on the ability to live a genuine, real life, facing trials and joy with the same strength. It is the sure knowledge that happy is not a state of mind, it is a state of being.” Really powerfully written! Hope you’ve had a happy day today too!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this. So often I want to blame my anger or lack of happiness on someone or something else. In reality it has always and will always be up to me. I am going to adopt your attitude and choose to be happy for me. Also not the fake happy but to really see the good in my life. Thank you!

    Calree- evenmoreyou.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading Clare! I believe it really is our outlook that changes our inner selves. As November dawns, I am trying to remember all that I am thankful for too…what a great way to uplift ones spirits..being grateful!

      Like

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