In my last post, I forgot to mention one very important aspect of being a sex addict’s spouse. I’m freaking exhausted. A lot. Nearly every day. Everything…and I DO mean everything…takes So. Much. Effort. Which begs the question; why bother?
At this point, I have no answer.
Leigh 💔
Tales of a betrayed wife trying to rebuild a life.
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in search of a better us
......After Infidelity
Reconciliation is a verb that should be used in the present progressive, not the past perfect.
Of the space-time continuum
Moving past my marriage to a sex addict
married sex addict in recovery
After treatment, out in the real world, staying sober and living in recovery.
Because we’re all recovering from something.
I Have Lots of Lemons 
You always have a choice and it is up to you to work that one out. Is this worth the effort or is it just not worth it? I am pretty sure we all have got to this point at some stage and maybe for many of us it will be a regular question we will ask ourselves.
The main thing here is you must look after yourself first and foremost and always ask yourself the question. You are your best judge.
I hear you and I am sorry you are in this place right now but on the other hand it is just another one of those stumbling blocks that need to be worked on and to be resolved. If Will is able to at some point work it out then there is a good likelihood he won’t behave like this again.
There is hope until there isn’t.
Xxxx
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I’m just so tired! *sigh*
Much love my friend. XOXO
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I am so tired too. I’ve heard doctors say many words, such as “chronic fatigue syndrome” – “fibromyalgia” – other words that end in -algia – but the bottom line is that this shit (even before we find out what is going on) affects our bodies. The therapists in APSATS have talked about it for a while – – – lots of autoimmune issues surface in partners (even before discovery). Whether I am with my husband or not, though, I’d have these issues. Right now I physically can’t work and get other things done (I have severe PTSD – diagnosed). So – I take care of myself the best I can. It does add extra emotional work living with an addict, but heck, he helps out quite a bit too, and he is getting into better recovery. I am seeing his emotions and his heart. He’s been sober from porn for over 2.75 years and sober from “in-person” acting out for over 3.5 years. There’s a big difference between sobriety and real recovery, though, so I’m glad for both of us he’s on a better path with his emotions, communication, and connection.
I’m rambling. Yes, I get it TIRED.
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I wrote about this very thing a few months ago. My body was so broken from the stress for so many years that I had to have some of my stomach removed. How often do we hear of many in this community who have severe physical issues like cancer, MS, radical weight loss or gain, chronic illnesses etc.? The stress of PTSD, years of gaslighting, the betrayal itself, all has profound affect on our overall physical health. It is devastating. And yes, exhausting!
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Sorry I haven’t read all of your entries, Leigh. The APSATS peeps seem to “get” this, from what I heard; they have been saying that they’ve seen this for years, but don’t have the science. I think it would be a good thing for them to collect actual data. This shit is not in our heads.
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Nope. Not when there are so many physical manifestations which correlate. Chronic fatigue, not surprisingly, is very common.
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This is so incredibly true! It is utterly exhausting. I feel as though I’m juggling an additional, needy child. I often ponder the “why bother” question too.
Xo
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It does feel like juggling an additional needy child!!! Even though I am not on the reconciliation path, just the minor everyday coparenting communications are insanely complicated and painful and stressful – made so by my sex addict selfish narcissistic husband, sigh. So I guess “just leaving them” doesn’t always end the exhaustion-effect 🙂
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Ah, you know the answer. You bother for beautiful, valuable, you. I don’t have quite the same battles anymore as many of the other dear women here on WP, but even doing my own recovery, apart from my husband, requires constant energy and effort. But that’s why we do it. Because we are worth it. And finally, we know that. xo
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Hugs Leigh. Life shouldn’t be so hard and exhausting. Take a little time off – maybe a week of spa days, somewhere far and safe.
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