No News is….No News

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Wow…time flies. And life moves on. It’s been many, many months since I have felt like writing anything. And honestly, I am only writing now because, well, like everyone else, I’m stuck at home during this shutdown and I have plenty of time. The truth is, Will and I are in a good place and have been for some time. While I would never say “healed” or “recovered” I can say that we are finally healing and recovering and and that the ugly is in the past.
Don’t get me wrong here…just because it’s in the past, I have a very clear rear view mirror and sometimes looking back is still painful and still triggering. The key is to stop checking that mirror. And I am getting really good at that.

Presently, we are finding a different, but related, challenge. Our son-in-law has decided that he no longer wants to be married to my daughter…because he began having an affair and now thinks he’s in “love” with this much older woman who is rebounding from her recent divorce.
Why are men so consistently, predictably, stupid? How do they never, NEVER learn from the mistakes of others?? Why do they believe that they are different? This situation is different? That they are not being total asshats by cheating on their lawfully wedded spouse? Truth bomb here, boys…You are a selfish, low-life, deceitful, cheating, untrustworthy, bastard. You have hurt your wife, your kids, your parents, your in-laws who accepted you as family, your sisters and brothers-in-law, your nieces and nephews who loved you…all because you were too selfish to think of anyone else but your own perceived needs. While totally disregarding your vows, your responsibilities, your promises, your family…who has done nothing but love you and support you. Ughhhhh…stupid, selfish, cowards. I can’t deal with them.

And actually I guess that’s why I decided to write. When my grandchildren found out that their dad was cheating on my daughter and was leaving, they were angry with him. They yelled at him and are so mad they don’t want to talk to him for awhile. I still remember my grown children’s reaction when they found out that their dad had been serial cheating will multiple women for decades. They were not mad at him. They were mad at me. Will made himself look so pathetic, and was of course in denial, that he made everything look like my fault. They felt sorry for him. I was so very alone. 

Well, my daughter is not alone. She calls and updates me. She rants and screams and knows that I am her safe place to rage. And I listen. And I am calm. And supportive and understanding.
And then I get off the phone and I am a hyperventilating, sobbing , triggered mess.
I am still hurt and resentful that neither of my girls were there for me after d-day. It is still one of the most hurtful things I have ever experienced and added so much more trauma to my whole betrayal…so it will always be so incredibly painful. But, I would never do to any woman in agony what my daughters did to me. So, despite my own triggers and pain, I am here for her.
It is not good time, but amazingly, Will is incredibly supportive and cognizant of my needs. He gets it! He understands the triggers and has been compassionate and available.

So, for that I am incredibly grateful. I am also grateful that so far, we are all healthy and safe and doing the best we can under isolation from the virus. So really, as far as our recovery and our marriage is concerned…no real news. And that’s good.

Stay safe. Stay healthy. Hugs your loved ones.
Oh, and wash your hands!

Leigh ❤️

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “No News is….No News

  1. I’m sorry you had to go through that with your children. That must have been incredibly painful for you. You’re a great mom to be able to support your daughter even though she really dropped the ball with you. Maybe she’ll come out of this with a different perspective of what happened with you and Will. Hang in there. ((hugs))
    xo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s good to hear that your husband is showing up for you in this triggering time. Also great to hear that both of you are doing well in the recovery of your marriage.

    I like the analogy about the rear-view mirror. (It’s clear – we know – but stop looking there.) That’s helpful to me. Thanks.

    I’m so sorry for what your daughter is going through! What is wrong with these guys? I hear you – selfish – breaking their wedding vows. Destroying their families, and especially their wives. It’s so SAD! I’m really sorry. Your daughter is fortunate to have you as a safe space to listen to her. She’s not alone.

    BA made a good point – down the road, after the crisis- your daughter may have a different perspective on what happened to you with her father. Maybe that could help both of you heal? That’s what I hope for you and your daughter.

    I haven’t felt like writing lately, either, though I’ve been reading and responding. That helps me too. Read, think, support, respond. Stay healthy and I hope the triggers lessen. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am hoping that she has already learned from me…she is certainly handling the betrayal better than I did. She was already in recovery for alcoholism so she at least has those tools available. I too, continue to read and learn from others blogs…it is really so helpful. Thank you for your well-wishes! **hugs**

      Liked by 1 person

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